Dreaming

I have a friend that, lately, has been feeling discouraged about what he does and whether or not it makes a difference. He's wondering if it's time to quit the particular fight he's in; leave those things for someone else. And it's got me thinking about the state of the world right now, particularly America. Why do things if they don't seem to make a difference anymore or won't?

This morning, at about 3:00 a.m., I woke up from a dream where I was singing (in my best Peter O'Toole impersonation) 'The Impossible Dream' while riding a horse out in the woods, momentarily looking for a place to use the "Powder Room". I said something to one of the other women riding a horse and going in the opposite direction (an archnemesis of mine from the 4th grade, though in the dream she was also an adult). I asked her "isn't this is why we do it, to hold back the dark?" Then she rode away and I started singing.

For those of you who have never seen the musical, Man of La Mancha, I recommend it. It's not a kids' movie; it deals with a lot of concepts that are not for kids and maybe that's why I hated it as a kid, I couldn't understand. But as an adult, I can't get through it without crying. It's not a happy movie. It's a play that needed to be written and a movie that needed to be made. In case you've never read the book Don Quixote (which I haven't, but I own--so yes, these are the movie cliffnotes) it's a story about an actor in Spain who is arrested and sentenced to be executed. He is thrown in prison with murderers and thieves and prostitutes and they decide he should entertain them, etc. He puts on a play Don Quixote de la Mancha and all the prisoners play roles. He is, of course, Don Quixote, the knight errant, setting out to right all wrongs, to launch a crusade. He has a faithful squire, Sancho, and he finds a beautiful lady, Dulcinella. Together they face the world.

But of course, Sancho is not really a squire, just a friend who set off with an old man to make sure he didn't hurt himself and Dulcinella is really a named Eldonsa, the whore, who thinks the old man is crazy. During the course of this movie a lot of things, some beautiful, some sad, and some quite ugly, happen. People's true natures are revealed. In the end, Don Quixote has forgotten who he is and lies dying. Sancho and Eldonsa (who now reminds him that he called her Dulcinella--an important message about her gained belief in her true worth) arrive and sing to him lyrics they heard him sing once himself, lyrics to the impossible dream. He remembers who he is and what he is doing. He sings with them. Then he dies. The play is complete. We return to the prison. The actor has been summoned to his execution. As he marches up the stairs to that door, the thieves and murderers and prostitutes begin singing The Impossible Dream. His dream, his beliefs, have touched them all, even if only for a moment. And they are changed. He walks out that door to his execution. End of movie.

What my friend does matters. What you do, every day, the way you live your life, it matters. Yes, sometimes you won't see the change. But it does matter. It changes you and when you change yourself, even a little, you cannot help but change another person. Your life being spent in the service of God, in fulfilling your daily work with the best that is in you, that changes the world. No matter what it is. Even a little light can cast away the darkness. It doesn't matter if the world does end tomorrow, today we fight. It doesn't matter if the economy collapses, today we strive. And it doesn't matter if tomorrow the darkness unleashes all its might against us, today we spread the light.

Abinadi was, and it is only my opinion, the greatest missionary in the entire Book of Mormon. And he died, tortured by fire. In the last few moments of his life, he did not know if Alma escaped or not. He did not know that testifying of the Savior before King Noah made any difference. He did it anyway. His story and the eventual conversion of hundreds of thousands of people make my point. And what if no one had changed? What if, like Nephi, he did what was right always towards his brothers and ultimately still had to flee from them b/c of their murderous intents and they and their children continually tried to kill Nephi and his children? Did what Nephi do matter? To all those who later were brought to a realization of the truth and repented of their bloodthirstiness, yes, it did. Could they have found the truth if the truth had lost its way as well?

Don't give up. You matter. Each day. Whether you pump gas, flip burgers, raise children, have a Ph.D., are a student, waive a sign, study DNA, use a law degree, sew clothes, love a pet, WHATEVER. Do whatever you do at this moment with the best that is in you. Change the world around you by living the impossible dream.

"The Impossible Dream"
from MAN OF LA MANCHA (1972)
music by Mitch Leigh and lyrics by Joe Darion

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

Banana Bread Memories

This-this was what made life: a moment of quiet, the water falling in the fountain, the girl's voice ... a moment of captured beauty. He who is truly wise will never permit such moments to escape.
- Louis L'Amour

This weekend I spent a Saturday morning repotting plants with my sister and an evening making banana bread. Life is made of moments like this.

Washing Down by the River

Today I have a furlough day. This is what the government calls a forced day off. It's almost like a real day off, except there is no pay. Also, because it is a government furlough day, you are "not allowed to do ANY work" on this day. No checking e-mail, no checking voicemail, no processing applications or cases of any kind. Absolutely no work may be done on this day. It's like a holiday on crack.

And is any of it really necessary? I mean, honestly, this isn't a law firm. What would I spend my day off thinking about work for? What's to think about?

I actually like this job however. People laugh.

No, really. People laugh. We have meetings every morning at 8:15 a.m. It could probably take about 4 minutes but people actually joke a bit so it takes more like 7 1/2 minutes. And they actually like each other. They'll randomly make snacks and bring them in. People will answer questions and invite you to go walk with them on breaks. And you get breaks. And a lunch hour where you are expected, get this, not to work through it. And everyone is done at 5:00 p.m. The parking lot is apocolyptically deserted by 5:02.

As my last job was at a fairly upscale law firm (for a Rocky Mountain state with less than 1 million people), I am amazed. It was expected that I would show up by 7:00 a.m. and stay until 7:00 p.m. It was almost a requirement to work the weekend. I even worked on Christmas and New Year's. There was very little laughter, and that bordered on the slightly hysterical. No one invited you to walk. Who walked? Everyone was chained to the desk. One of the "Big Three" pushed alcohol at you at every lunch or firm event, despite the many 'no thank you's', 'i do not drink's' and 'it's against my religion's' you gave. People were incredibly cut throat. And if they didn't like you, they either refused to give you work (the death knell for any associate) or worse. So a place where people actually like each other and try to support each other is strange. And it's hard for me to wrap my head around, but I'm sure I'll make the adjustment.

Know why? Because although this isn't my heart's desire, it is sometimes nice to do a job that allows you to breathe easy and smile every day. And since that is our challenge, I thought I would mention it. It won't be a job I stay at til the day I die, I'm not sure that is a realistic concept in this day and age, but for while I'm here I will do my best daily and enjoy it. And that's okay.

In the meantime, today, I am washing my down comforter (seriously one of the best buys ever), hopefully getting moss off the roof, dishes, baking a chocolate cake, and shopping for running/walking shoes. We'll see how far we get on the list.

The End of Salt

The other day, I learned that NYC is contemplating passing a city ordinance which would eliminate salt in restaurants. Surprisingly, it does not have New Yorkers in an uproar. This is strange because, having lived in NYC, I know that New Yorkers usually do not like people telling them how to live or what to eat. They live and let live. They support their neighbors but they don't want anyone up in their face. A perfect example of this occurred while once shopping at Zabars.

For those of you who have never lived in NYC, Zabars is, almost, the Saks Fifth Avenue of grocery stores. Rows and rows of fresh breads, cheeses, fruits and vegetables...everything is very nice, comes in surprisingly small proportions (compared to those of us used to Costco), and is, of course, quite expensive. But when you want quality, you go to Zabars. (And then you eat ramen noodles for the next three weeks. Thank goodness you can eat it in so many ways.)

In Zabars one day, at the beginning of my NY experience, I had a cart or some kind of contraption that holds food and it was by my feet. A New Yorker passing by the aisle apparently felt that it was in the way and moved it a foot with nary a word expressed. Not an 'excuse me' or 'pardon me' or even a rude 'get out of my way'. He just simply and quietly moved the obstacle, got what he needed, and went on his way. Pretty typical of NY.

So why aren't they saying something about salt? Have you eaten food with no salt? Do you know why they called it the Dark Ages? No salt. (Okay, they really called it 'dark' because of the lack of truth in religion, but it's kind of the same thing. Hold on a minute and you'll see why I say that.) Food without salt is really bland. Can you imagine going out to a fancy restaurant to eat a favorless meal? Why would I pay money for that? I can get that for free from a bowl of plain oatmeal. That's why no one eats oatmeal plain. It's gross.

But this seems telling to me. Some extremist nuts who think the world would be better without salt or that salt shouldn't be available so freely because people might get too much or that people are just 'too stupid' to know how to control their own intake and so someone else has to control you and your diet. Now remember the phrase 'salt of the earth'? Remember how the Savior stated that if the salt loses its savor it is good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled on? Have you noticed how many people lately seem to have lost courage, lost faith, lost hope, lost the pure love of Christ? We know that 'the love of man will wax cold'. People are losing that which made us human. The salt is losing its savor. The world is becoming a plain bowl of oatmeal. Such a waste.

Throughout the world we have people trying to control our right to believe, control who we worship and what we say. Some say that those who believe in religion are 'stupid', 'naive', or 'bigoted'. They must control what we think and how we educate our young. For our own good, of course, because we just can't seem to get it right on our own. In effect, they are trying to ban our 'religious salt' from 'public restaurants,' as it were.

Well, frankly, I want salt. I want flavor in my meals and I want religion in my life. I want the right that my forefathers fought and died for. I want what we founded this country for. The right to believe. "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may." I want to live in a country that believed and stated we were endowed with inalienable rights by our Creator, THE CREATOR. It was the very thing we protected with the Constitution.

If you want salt, religious salt, then stand up. Look at what your children are being taught. Look at the ordinances being passed in your city. Know what is happening in this country and around the world. I'm not arguing to shove salt down someone's throat (that's not wise on any level), nor do I think you should take this analogy too far, but I am arguing that we need to be less afraid to have our metaphorical salt and less afraid to offer it to those around us. Salt was fought for at one time. It was considered as valuable as gold. It is essential to have in order to survive, or the iodine in it anyway. Do you want spiritual goiter? I don't. No one does. Why would we promote or allow others to promote a country of people suffering from spiritual goiter? Is this not the famine Isaiah spoke of? I think it is. A famine of the word of God. A famine of spiritual salt.

I, for one, am grateful for salt, both real and spiritual. I think most of us are. That's what makes this country great. So thank you for those who worked so hard to bring us salt. I, for one, love it.

Foundation Stones

Today I had a long talk with a good friend. And we talked about something that I've been thinking about for a couple of months now.

The history of the Church of Jesus Christ is an interesting, miraculous one. A history of people sacrificing everything for what they believed, despite persecution, an extermination order from the government, and having to flee every place they ever tried to settle, despite the good they did at each place, until Utah (outside the US' jurisdiction). While in Utah, they continued their tradition of building temples because temples are where sacred covenants with the Lord are made, where marriages occur, and where families are united both here and in the hereafter. The first started and fourth completed temple in the Utah territory (taking 40 years to build, in part by one of my ancestors), the Salt Lake Temple, itself has a unique history.

Sandstone and mortar were used for the basic foundation and footings. Then, when the US army came, the Latter-day Saints buried the entire foundation, fearing what the government that had so constantly turned a blind eye to the suffering of the people might do. Due to the prayers of the people, and the wisdom of leaders in both the army and the territory, positive relations developed. When they uncovered the foundation stones several years later, they found they had cracks in them. They had to recut, by hand, granite blocks that weighed between 2500-5600 pounds, to place them together without mortar of any kind. Started in 1847, it was finally completed in 1893, making it 117 years old, if I did my math correctly.

Sometimes our lives are like that. We try over and over to do what our hearts tell us is right, what we are guided by the Lord to do. Despite persecution and trials, we have come this far, to this place. And we laboriously build our testimony, foundation stones for our lives. And then something happens, something huge (whether that is death, disease, economic or personal disaster, the end of a marriage, etc.). Because of God's love, we continue on, but maybe we do not realize, until later, that some of our foundation stones are cracked. Not because we didn't cut with care but maybe just because of the material used, or because of how we tried to piece them together our way based on what we know and understand at the time, or because we left them buried for a few years while dealing with our own personal US army incident. Whatever the reason, you now find yourself looking at a bunch of cracked foundation stones.

So what do you choose to do? There are many that might become angry, disheartened, give up. It would be easy. You did your best. Why didn't the Lord warn you or just keep the stones from cracking? He can do that can't He? What a waste of effort, all those heavy blocks, ruined. Now you have to do it all over again. And you still have crops, metaphorically speaking, to bring in and another 170 rooms to build. Some people might do that.

Yet those who truly understood the purpose of the temple and were truly dedicated to building a House of the Lord wherein they could make sacred covenants both for themselves and their dead, continued on. And the temple still stands today. Do not despair. It may have been that sandstone would not have lasted with all the weight or elemental and physical forces upon it. It may have been that the mortar would have crumbled and brought such a large building down. It may have been many things of which I do not know because I do not know architecture well. But I do know that granite is a very solid rock and the granite foundations, and the way they were placed together, have proven themselves, as evidenced by time. I do know that the Lord loved His people enough to allow them to learn of the faulty stones before it was too late. I know that they learned from the first process and each successive temple has used that knowledge. It was a blessing, ultimately, and still is to members today.

Sister Sherri Dew once stated that the faith of the past would not be enough to sustain us in the future. As we look around us, we can understand what she meant. And we can see that the chance we have, now, to refound the temples we are, is essential and infinitely important if we wish to stand at the last day. In like manner, the foundation stones of our youth will not withstand the increasing pressures and trials upon us if they are not hewn out of the Rock of our Salvation and placed together as the Lord directs us. It is not cracked because He does not care. It is cracked because we must build our lives out of something better, something more sure, and something that is everlasting.

So, it is with gratitude, with increased skill, and with hard won callouses that we begin again. Proving our love and our testimony with each cut block and each carefully placed stone. In the end, our personal temples will stand as testimony to our lives and our dedication. And that is something to build for, something to dedicate.

And Remember to Brush and Floss Your Teeth

So says the voicemail message of an old roommate. I'm sure she's changed it by now. But I always remember kind've giving a mental chuckle when I heard it. And yet, brushing and flossing is good advice. Scratch that. It's GREAT advice. How embarassing when you give a big ol' smile, get flirty, and then realize hours later that you had something in your teeth.

There are two simple solutions to this. One, never eat anything that gets caught in your front teeth (theoretically, you probably don't want it in your back teeth either, but since no one usually sees those, if you must let go...let go of a molar). The second, bring a toothbrush and floss with you. I prefer a combination of the two. When I eat what I want, I have a mini toothbrush and floss in a small sandwich bag in my purse. (Incidentally, I also have mouthwash but as the bottle is so small, I use it rarely. It's the thought of refilling that gets me. And true, I could simply buy another one, but that requires putting potentially hundreds of small mouthwash bottles in a landfill. Yes, it's a small bit of ridiculousness. Let me have it.) When I eat in front of people who can affect my future, I choose food carefully. It seems like we should all be past a bit of spinach in the left incisor as we have, after all, been eating since someone realized the slab of sabertooth tasted better with bbq sauce, but then again, people used to try to whiten their eyes with small doses of acid so I'm thinking we haven't really advanced beyond judging by looks.

But back to smiling and clean teeth...

I tried it. The smiling I mean. The food in the teeth I did plenty back in highschool when my teeth were embraced in the warm cuddly hug of sharp metal and colored plastic bands (and, of course, headgear--ah, earplug manufacturing company execs all over the world must have rubbed their hands in glee thinking of how much headgear increased snoring). So yes, I smiled at a random stranger the other day (a guy). Strangely, he smiled back like I was a goddess or something. I was so surprised that I didn't even hear what he had to say. Then I had to quickly pretend I had so I didn't look like an idiot. (He had complimented my earrings, I realized belatedly.) I also almost ran into a door my boss was opening. Dangerous things these smiles. But definitely worth it.

More smiles and more stories to come...

I Love to Laugh

So I love the song 'Say Hey I Love You' by Michael Franti. Never heard anything else he's ever done, but I like this. It reminds me of NYC street dances. I just have this image of myself in a really flirty dress with some kind of ruffle or something on the bottom and dancing with some good looking Latin guy in a white t-shirt and dark pants. We're dancing a street combination of salsa, swing, and mambo. Smiling and laughing.

Okay, so it's a very very specific image that this song gives me. But let's be honest, sometimes I also listen to a song and imagine a comedic music video. I start laughing in my car while driving down the highway. Love it!

You know what else I love? Smiling. Have you ever noticed how people seem so much more beautiful when they smile? Doesn't matter who they are. If it is a real smile (not the one with teeth that doesn't reach your eyes) then it does. Even Quasimodo looked good with a smile. You know something else? I recently got a job. It's been almost a year. And in the last couple of months while living at home and looking, I watched quite a bit of What Not to Wear. Not one single person was ugly. Maybe they didn't wear clothes that fit or a flattering hair cut, maybe they didn't use the right shades of makeup, but whatever it was, it was never the person. So here's my point. Every single person is beautiful. You are beautiful. I am beautiful. And we never say it or think it enough.

So here is the next challenge. For the next two weeks, every single day, try to give a real smile to every person you meet. Try to smile and say hello to strangers and friends, men and women, everyone. See where it takes you. See how you feel about yourself and about that other person. See if you find yourself in a much better mood throughout the day.

The challenge starts Friday. Best of luck. Keep me posted.