Cape Disappointment

This weekend, my sister and I, along with a friend, and friends of the friend, were going to hike Cape Disappointment and see the lighthouse. But, alas, northwest weather being what it is, it didn't happen. The website warned that the trails get "mucky" when it rains. I always find that when the actual website warns about unpleasant hiking conditions, you should probably listen.

So that was disappointing.

Know what else is disappointing? When people lie to you. Case in point: raisinets.

My love affair with these chocolatey-covered pieces of fruit began as a fifth-grader, selling easter candy. Mint meltaways were good. Chocolate covered raisins were better. Then I grew up and realized that there was a company that made them year round. Oh the joy! Each bite in my mouth was, as they say, "chocolate covered sunshine."

Except it wasn't. Somewhere along the way, it began to rain. They're not sunshine, they're actually chocolate covered shadows. A deep, dark secret that someone doesn't want to get out. And now I'll tell you why. Let's grab a package and read the label. Let's take a dark chocolate raisinet package (though this is also true for milk chocolate, trust me). On the back it says "Dark Chocolate Raisinets contain raisins made from lush green grapes."

Stop right there. No need to look further into antioxidant claims or how these sugary bites help maintain good health. The lie has already been told in those first few words. Green grapes.

Have you ever seen what a green grape looks like when dried out? Golden raisin. That's why they say chocolate covered sunshine. B/c the raisins are golden. Here's where it gets really sad and the rain starts pouring down on us. They aren't. They're regular red or purple grapes. Which make the typical browny-black raisin we know as Sunmaid (sidenote: my roommate had a Sunmaid halloween costume once, pretty darn clever if you ask me). How do I know this? Well, chocolate comes off. Go buy a bag. Lick, cut, and/or bite off the chocolate on these babies. You'll see what I mean. Not a golden raisin to be found anywhere. I once went through half a bag that way just to see if I was right.

I was, of course. Three years later I buy them again and have my sister independently test my theory. Still true. Still no golden raisins.

Do you realize the depth of depravity to which this country has sunk when you can't even trust a label to tell you the truth about a raisin? A RAISIN????

Maybe they don't have a catchy slogan or commercial for the truth. Maybe it's time we, the forces of good, help them out. So here's my challenge to all of you: come up with a catchy slogan and/or commercial for raisinets. Make sure to point out the fact that they are, in fact, not made from green grapes. Send it to me and I will post the slogans and/or videos on my blog. Then, the best one, will be credited and sent to Raisinet, along with a letter and evidence of their deception. (Yes, I will actually take a bag of raisinets, lick off the chocolate, and send every single one of those licked on raisins to corporate. That's what you get for lying to the public. Chocolate licked off raisins. That'll teach you.) Hopefully, we'll help turn this country's dishonesty around. One raisinet at a time.